5 Pardons We’d Like to Extend to Certain Detroiters

For the unaware, Sunday is Forgiveness Day. While it is certainly healthy, both mentally and spiritually, to have everyday be forgiveness day, why not designate a random date in June to make your forgiveness count for double points? So in honor of today (well, Sunday), we have 5 pardons we’d like to extend to a few select parties for the actions they may or may not have committed.

1. Rasheed Wallace (for not covering Robert Horry at the end of Game 5 of the 2005 NBA Finals vs. the San Antonio Spurs)
Rasheed Wallace, affectionately known as Sheed, was a Detroit Bad Boy to the bone despite playing 14 years after the original Bad Boys. Sheed was passionate, hard-working, brash, and pretty entertaining. He had many great moments during his Pistons career. Who can forget that full-court buzzer beater against Denver? Unfortunately, when you think of Sheed’s great moments, there’s one bad moment that sticks out like a sore thumb: Game 5 of the 2005 NBA Finals. The Pistons only needed one more stop on defense to win the game and go up 3-2 in the series heading back to San Antonio. Everyone worried about Tony Parker, Tim Duncan, and Manu Ginobili, but no one, especially Sheed, worried about Robert Horry. Horry drilled a game-winning 3 to give the Spurs the win and the series lead. The Pistons managed to win game 6 in San Antonio, but ultimately lost the Finals in game 7.

So Sheed, we forgive you for not covering Horry on that last shot. You’re still super cool to us, and that play should not impact how Pistons fans remember you for the rest of their lives…

BUT COME ON MAN, IT WAS ROBERT HORRY WHOSE NICKNAME IS

“BIG SHOT BOB”

Sorry, got caught up in the moment there. Still <3 you Sheed. Ball don’t lie.

2. The developers of the abandoned jail
Although you left us with an unfinished eyesore, you might have actually done us a favor. If all goes to plan, Detroit might get a shiny new Major League Soccer stadium where the jail was supposed to be. So we forgive you for quitting while you were ahead, or behind, whichever is more appropriate.

3. Dan Gilbert (for not getting us hovercrafts, gold-plated sidewalks and jewel-encrusted sewer covers yet)
Come on, Danny. When’s all this extravagant stuff going to get here to put Detroit ahead of Dubai? You’re slacking, dude.

via GIPHY

4. Every company who moved their offices out of Detroit
Sure…you might have left for business reasons, but we’re doing just fine without you now. Detroit’s on the big rebound and has been doing it all without your help. Now if you would like to come back, we’d still welcome you with open arms because once a Detroiter, always a Detroiter. The Prodigal Son got to stay home after he returned, so you can do the same. But, expect to go through some re-initiation hazing. 

via GIPHY

5. Kwame Kilpatrick
Eh, never mind. The emotional and financial wound is still too fresh.

 

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